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would have represented as meetly my subsequent
condition, when half an hour's silence and reflection had shown me the
madness of my conduct, and the dreariness of my hated and hating
position.
Something of vengeance I had tasted for the first time; as aromatic
wine it seemed, on swallowing, warm and racy: its after-flavour,
metallic and corroding, gave me a sensation as if I had been poisoned.
Willingly would I now have gone and asked Mrs. Reed's pardon; but I
knew, partly from experience and partly from instinct, that was the
way to make her repulse me with double scorn, thereby re-exciting
every turbulent impulse of my nature.
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I would fain exercise some better faculty than that of fierce
speaking; fain find nourishment for some less fiendish feeling than
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